What I Realized When Looking at Children

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My friends and I attended our friend’s baby’s christening and what I realized was that I liked playing with babies. I like hanging out with them, I get so gigil when I’m near them like how I get when I’m near puppies, but I wouldn’t want to have one of my own.

You know how some parents only like their own children but have a strong aversion to kids who aren’t theirs? (I’m talking to you Louis C.K.) I think I’m the opposite.

A few days ago I was reading something in Thought Catalog (here’s the link) and I pretty much found myself saying, “yes, exactly!” to pretty much everything the writer had written. I especially agreed with this part:

Generally speaking, if your kid is a little shit, it’s not helping anyone, and that’s probably on you. And I really think the world has enough little shits.

I know that there are already an abundance of little shits in the world and I don’t want to contribute to that. I was once a little shit, myself. When I was a child, we had maids (I swear we’re not rich) and most of them do not last for more than two months–except for this one maid I really loved because she didn’t pull my hair or made me kneel, or slapped me when I was being unruly. Ok, so maybe I was just retaliating but my parents have said countless times that I was a little monster.

So when I imagine taking care of a dozen me I get aversive of the responsibility. But then again, what if I don’t? What if my child can become someone great, not a little shit, and someone who can probably contribute a great deal in our lifetime or future generations? I’m mulling over whether I really want children or not because of that possibility.

There is, however, another possibility: the possibility of really raising a shitty kid. We have to agree that it isn’t all nurture but also the nature surrounding the child’s development. Take my brother and I, for example. Our parents are religious people. They’re sort of progressive but they’re still religious. We always go to church; I once wished to become a nun; when I was little up until 1st or 2nd year of college, I prayed 3 times a day and feared that something bad would happen to me if I didn’t. I was pretty much set to be a religious nut then Literature happened, Philosophy happened, a lot of things happened that were beyond my parents’ control that shaped my views on religion. My brother and I are now agnostics.

agno

The point is, you won’t have any idea what’s going to happen to your children. And I have great respect for parents or for people who decided that their calling is to be a parent. That’s a really big responsibility and I salute your courage. But just like the author, I don’t think I’m being selfish. I guess I’m already decided that I’ll just travel instead of have a baby.

I think in the end, we’re just choosing whatever makes us happy. No pressure, no gender roles, and no guilt.

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